the point

There are some days when all you can think is ‘what’s the point?’ Another phone call home: mum’s not doing so well and dad is troubled, torn and, oh so tired. My brother starts again to make doctor’s appointments and calls to advice lines, pulling people and information together, trying to get through the current crisis.

And so we start the cycle again. But what needs to be different this time? What approach is going to work? What can we do to make this better?

Is it us not getting it ‘right’, not negotiating systems and expectations in an efficient way? Is it her – not showing up for appointments, not taking medications, refusing treatment and support? Is it them, not getting it, not seeing the urgency, the isolation, the frustration? Is it the situation, that is unrecoverable, regardless of all of the above?

But you do go on, and repeat, because when someone you love is struggling, how can you not? You try, again, to reach for the right words, to send encouragement, to say ‘it will be ok’ with meaning and without evidence. Another appointment, another attempt with doctors and drugs, another try at asking for help.

Because maybe this time when you do circle around, you might just find that something has shifted in the system, that an aspect that was unnoticed and overlooked becomes a solution, that the players involved themselves have changed and are more willing, receptive, and able.

And that perhaps is the point: it’s not going to be the same as last time. It can’t be. And that’s a good thing. With this cycle something might be different. It just might.