Each week I call home. We start where most calls to parents probably begin: checking in about the grand-child, husband, work, the past week, the next one, how the day went/plans for the day ahead (note the time difference); then we move into the territory that maybe only we talk about: medications, moods, doctors, coping strategies. And one subject that keeps coming up again and again is a pervasive feeling of social isolation, of being entirely alone within the situation: That no-one understands. That no-one gets it. My father is backed into that corner; the one where it feels like no-one listens anymore, or that no-one is having, or wants to have, that conversation.
So this post is really for my dad. It’s about finding out that some people want to talk. The Mission Media Company Inc., working out of Toronto, Ontario, is in the process of producing The Family Guide to Mental Health Recovery (www.familyguidetomentalhealth.com), an interactive documentary project that shares the stories of family members specifically affected by mental health conditions. The project was motivated by Executive Producer Stuart Clarfield's own experience as a family member and his realisation about how little support material was available. Families are often alone dealing with mental health conditions, either because of the stigma that goes along with it, feeling intimidated about negotiating the system, or just because it can sometimes be a long-haul. But through sharing their stories families can learn from other families, which in turn can have a direct impact on the process of recovery:
"Often the WAY families and family members cope, or fail to – can create difficulties that can go on for decades if not addressed... The Family Guide to Mental Health recovery is designed and presented to be a resource that can be accessed and used by each family member–as quickly as possible–so a process of enlightenment, learning, outreach and understanding can start immediately."
Still in the pilot phase (with a feature-length film due out in September), here are a handful of the videos recorded so far in which family members talk about their stories.
Here one mother discusses the feeling of instability that comes with parenting a child with a mental health condition. She talks about how it can take years to begin to relax and think life can be good again; that getting beyond an idea that ‘I’ve been betrayed by life’, can be a long-term process of developing coping strategies, gathering information, and tapping into the social and medical supports available.
Another family member talks about his conviction that it is ‘unconditional
acceptance, love, and regard’ that forms the foundation for recovery, no matter
what the diagnosis and the side effects of medication.
A mental health care worker
talks about the Four C’s of family interaction with a mental health concern– 'I
did not cause the mental illness, I cannot control the mental illness, I cannot
cure the mental illness, but I can cope with the mental illness'.
And one last story: as with Joe’s Daughter, The Family Guide to Mental Health Recovery comes from a personal place as mentioned above: from the child of a mother who has a mental health condition, so we'll end with some thoughts from the founder:
"Suffering in silence and isolation seems stoic and safe in the short term, but it does not heal. There is no need to retreat to keep yourself safely away from the situation and others, even though the fear, stress, guilt and stigma might make that seem like the safest option. Many families have made a journey back and have learned so much about a healthy way to face it, address it, disarm the challenges and support themselves back to balance.
Please consider our family’s story – thirty years of suffering x 4 lives. And that is just the accumulated cost to our 4 siblings. That does NOT include the person with the mental health condition or her husband’s suffering! It is time to choose another way."