I gave someone a lift home from an 18 Reasons event and we got to talking about sex. And not in the way that you are now imagining, but when comparing notes on salon culture in Europe vs the US and the spirit of debate that is alive and well there, but maybe not here, we started to both sing the merits of London’s School of Life. And specifically Alain de Botton. And then even more specifically his lecture (and his book of the same name), 'How to Think More about Sex.'
It's still not what you think it is; watch it. Here De Botton speaks of the ‘miniature utopia’ that is sex, of how it can bring us out of loneliness and into trust, how it can, if done rightly, lead to wellbeing and acceptance. He moves beyond the evolutionary model of why some people turn us on, to look at the psychological traits of what they may contain within them that we are short of. And he does this with the absurdity and seriousness, humanity and humour that merits his subject. Like this line: ‘Look at your partner how Manet looked at asparagus.’ When trying to have a good life, De Botton admits there needs to be some censorship, but he concludes that there must also be connection.
And when you have finished belly-laughing at De Botton and while you are still here, look up two more videos: First, 'How to Stay Sane' by Philippa Perry, an idiosyncratic look at good psychotherapy and how we all must negotiate our sanity:
And second, John-Paul Flintoff on 'How to Change the World', focusing on the potential impact of even the smallest gesture including the giving up of seats and the giving of tomato plants:
Then, if you haven't done so already, pour yourself a glass of wine or make a camomile tea, whatever your tipple, and continue watching the other School of Life lectures. Mind-blowing.