enough thinking

I must admit that I was once coaching-averse but also that Joe’s Daughter started out that way. Although a strong advocate of talking cures, I still hesitate to mention the beginnings of this blog (encouraged by the very lovely Suzannah Scully who we’ll come back to later). It’s like when you marry someone who you met on Match.com or eHarmony, and when asked how you got together, you’ll pause, and wonder whether you tell the made-up story of bumping into one another in Peets, or the real one, that involved profiles and personal ads.

But then friends have started to bring up in conversation that they are seeing, or have seen, a coach, and, more importantly perhaps, that this has helped them. As we’re becoming more receptive to an idea of planning and owning our lives, coaching fits maybe even more than the therapy it’s starting to challenge. Coaching’s vocabulary, of supporting authenticity, joy, purpose, and vitality, now trips more easily off the tongue.

One friend made the point that I think is key when talking about coaching; when she was done with thinking and wanted to move to doing she sought out a coach. She then shared her coach’s name Johanna Beyer of On Your Path Consulting. I gave Johanna a call to talk specifically about what coaching is and how she approaches her work. And this is what I learnt:

Stereotyping and coaching: Even Johanna has wondered about another name. But for her, if someone feels that they already have an awareness of themselves, their present and future, even if it sounds cheesy, coaching is a great way of breaking through. She never wants to convince people to work with her, rather she wants people to be ready. So if the idea of ‘coaching’ affects someone in that way, then that probably is not the right moment.

The clients: Typically individuals who are in transition and who need support to realign from inside out. Johanna told me that she works with a lot of professionals in transition, mothers who are ready to come back to the world and people who are happy with work who want to take it to the next level. At the end of the day, the focus can be as direct as let’s get to the new job, engagement, next child, whatever the goal the client sets.

How coaches work: There is a lot of freedom within coaching: the real process is to create a journey that takes people through and to provide that structure. In Joanna’s practice, for instance, she works with people over six sessions, which start with working inside out. People then take a step back; they spend time on how they got to where they are now, the idea of being ready to let go, what their wishes are and what they think as a person. Then they go back to planning. At the end of the sessions, the aim is for clients to be able to articulate their ‘core values and purposes, with a clear vision of what they would like to bring into their lives in the next 3-5 years with an action plan to execute.’

In coaching, I learnt, it’s important that action plans are rooted and not just reactionary. The aim is to realign the inside, to discover someone’s model of being in this world, so that they don’t keep repeating the patterns over and over again, or continue to be guided by the same fear.

Therapy vs. coaching: A therapists training is to hold people through trauma and difficulties in life. Coaching is not equipped at that level. Although it does take an interest in the past, it takes those learnings to create action and movement forwards. The focus is on the present over the past, and also the future. Johanna has identified the following situations when a client might choose a life coach or a therapist; each dependent on their condition, objectives and self-awareness. As she outlines:

Situations when a life coach can help: 

-I am a high functioning individual who feels held back or stuck in a certain part of my life.

-I have done the work on myself in therapy and have an awareness of how different events in my life have affected the way I operate.

-I am ready to take my life to the next level….ie. figure out my life purpose, new career, new relationship.

-I am ready and able to take action and want the accountability and support to keep me moving forward.

Situations when therapy is a better option:

-I am in an abusive relationship and need guidance and support.

-I am battling with an addiction.

-I have uncontrollable emotions and find myself crying on a regular basis.

-I have not resolved childhood trauma.

-I suffer from depression and feel helpless.

Finally, the phone: The phone has become the medium of coaching; even if you are not in the Bay Area you can work with Johanna. I was curious not only about the practice, but the rapport that can be established that way. There are very few people that I now talk to on the phone; mostly it's text or email, skype or in person. So calling Johanna wasn’t a thrilling prospect, but she makes it work, establishes a connection, and then you are happily chatting as if you were together (which must have been the thrill of the phone in the first place). The ability to work together in a meaningful way doesn’t seem to be lost, although if you are local you can organize in-person meetings too.

So coaching: sometimes I feel like coaching is to the noughties, what curating was in the nineties. It’s also a relatively new industry that is flourishing and it’s similarly about joining the dots, not between concepts and objects, but between the stories and objectives of people’s own lives.

The role that coaches take extends through advisor, supporter, cheerleader and, dare I say it, friend. They are the all-rounder, who is there to round out whatever it is you think is missing. Now what’s wrong with that? If it works and you are happy, then perhaps it’s ok to tell the true story of how you got to be somewhere. To admit that it was a coach that helped you get to the baby, the marriage, the promotion, the career shift, even the blog.